Friday, June 4, 2010

Setbacks & Promises . . . A post I've delyed in writing

Remember in a past post when I wrote about my computer dying and in the same week then my car started having problems? Well a couple weeks ago, as I was having my car washed at a fundraiser for the local High School it sat in idle and then refused to start again. I sat in my car while 4 teenagers pushed it in to an empty parking spot and called my roommate to come & get me, my mechanic to see if he was open (thankfully he was) and a tow-truck to come and get it. This was not the weekend that I planned in my minds eye.

Naturally, once the car was at the garage it started right up. If you've ever had car problems you know how frustrating this can be. It can make a person feel like they're going crazy. But I know my car and my mechanic has stopped questioning my intuition when things go wrong with it. My mechanic tried all weekend & even into Tuesday to try and get my car to mimic the problem and checked the wires all to no avail. He came up with the same conclusion that I was pondering. . . it's the starter. Not as expensive as a new clutch or transmission, but expensive enough that I know I don't have the cash on me to take care of it and needing my car that only left on option. An option that was frustrating and disheartening to acknowledge because it meant a setback in my goal and progress that I had been making in my financial goals. I may not have added anything to it on my recent shopping trip but my car was another story. With one fail swipe, my hard work was instantly dissolved.

The other setback that I have is in regards to the choice I made to set school aside for now. That choice came back in the winter. And even though finishing my BA is a goal I have for myself, I need time to re-evaluate the time that I can give to it. Full-time work, and Full-time school, and attending to the responsibilities of my ministries all got to overwhelming. So I chose to follow after the things in my life that I know will edify my spirit, and not my ego. However, with that choice came the responsibility that I have to repay what I did not finish. It's not the whole amount, but it's still quite a chunk and I can't run from it, I can't bury my head in the sand and pretend that it won't go away, because doing that would have even worse consequences.

I've been bumming pretty hard though and feeling discouraged over these recent events. One step forward two steps back kinda thing. Which is why I've been largely absent from here. The PRIDE, ouch...yes the sin of pride crept into my heart and made me want to cloister myself away, from my friends and my blog, and pretend like it would all be OK. But writing is cathartic for me, and isolating myself from my friends never turns out well either, and in order to get over that hump and let that healing begin I had to finally suck it up and just say something. Because if I didn't I would probably end up giving up all together. So I've removed my ticker for now, until I get to place where I know what's what. I will still be blogging through this new endeavor though the ticker will just be gone for now.

However, through all of this upheaval I keep remembering the words that a good friend has given me recently. Actually it was more the encouragement in her directing me to the Bible and God actually giving me the council from Malachi 3:10,11 "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts." The promise is not that discouraging times won't come, but that so long as I remain faithful in my giving that the Lord promises to keep the "devourer" away from me. So while things may seem discouraging now, my hope is in the Lord. So really it's just mind over matter, knowledge over feelings, but I am only human. There really is no peace like the Lord doles out. It's nice to have something in spades, because the cash just ain't flowing freely these days.

Also check out 'Singleness of Heart' at Grace & Honor because once again Jackie article and my life events seem to be running on a parallel course, like the Lord knows something I don't. Actually, He knows everything I don't.

Lastly, I don't usually post prayer requests, but for those of you that do pray, please pray for my car. Not long after I got it back the check engine light came on and when I went to Auto Zone for a free diagnostic check it came back saying that my EGR valve was starting to go bad as well. What can I say when it rains it pours. The part's not to expensive and I definitely want/need to get it fixed before my trip to the Oregon coast in July, but who knows what the labor costs for replacement will be.

Drive safely ya'll.


Jersey Mama said...

Ugh sorry about the car troubles. And sorry about the goal setback! I know it can be frustrating but God has a plan for you ... trust Him (I know you are) and be excited to see how He provides!

Cove Girl said...

Thanks Rach. It's hard to see the forest through the trees. Sigh...I'll keep you updated.


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